I have been working at my new career now for about two and a half months now. Do I feel like running away at times? Sure do! Do I get sick of being so needy and asking so many questions? Yip. Do I wish I could start feeling more confident, sure of myself, and balanced? Of course. But when you start something new there is never that feeling. In fact the feeling of drowning and wanting to kick to the surface is a more accurate account of how it feels to start.  In fact I have had this feeling several times in my life before. I remember this feeling when I started to stay home with my darling children. I used to explain the feeling of running after my life instead of with my life. I eventually got used to the feeling, found myself as a mom, and rested in the understanding that being in control was not what life was all about. But now that I have that feeling all over again I am still struggling with the strong desire to run knowing full well I won't. 

What do you do with the feeling of wanting to run and not knowing where you would even run too? You stay. That's what you do. You acknowledge it, pat yourself on the back, and then tell yourself you can do it. You remind yourself that in time the strong feeling to run will leave. You remind yourself that everyone feels it. You take deep cooling breaths and you trust that God has you right where you are suppose to be. At times, leaning into the feeling is best because it reminds you how difficult it is to do something new and how dependent we are on comfort. Comfort is of high concern to the human. Discomfort makes us all want to run. Living in the tension of discomfort takes mental strength. We can't live on auto pilot. Maybe that is what we miss. Living less conscience of our life. Living in the tension of discomfort brings change. Usually the change is not around us but inside of us. I wish growing was more comfortable. I wish changing felt good and right. I wish my mind did not remember "the good old days" before the tension started. I wish my mind would work with the change better. But since my my mind does not always choose the right decisions I have to direct it to follow along with the discomfort. 

Today, if you are with me feeling the tension of discomfort, join me in directing your mind to trusting in the process and trusting in God. Remind yourself that change comes at a price that is always worth paying but is easy to talk yourself out of. Give yourself lots of grace because during these times only you can give yourself a feeling of comfort. Dig deep. Find who you are under pressure. And sit back and enjoy the ride if you can. That is where I am today. Trying my hardest to enjoy the movement of my mind. Allowing myself to move in a new direction and opening my mind up to change. Directing my thoughts with intentional awareness and creating new confidence.  Be brave little solider. This is what life is made of...... 

Comment