How do you ever know a good time to talk about sex to your teens? There is so much to discuss and yet it is so easy to talk yourself out of the discussion. I never thought I would shy away from the subject but as the girls grew into their teen years I got cold feet many times. I guess mostly because when I would approach the subject it was greeted with this comment, "gross mom, do we have to talk about this now?" That was all I needed to stop. The girls were in a small Christian school from Kindergarten to eighth grade and their class happened to have plenty of first born girls. They all seems so innocent that if felt hard to burst the bubble they were in.
But when they started high school and were 14 years old I knew I could not put it off any longer and I longed to be assured that they understood everything they would face in the years to come. Because I was not sure I could discuss everything in a way that they would accept I thought I would purchase a program to assist me. I bought a program called Passport2Purity by Denis and Barbara Rainey. In this tape series they suggest that you take your daughter on a weekend away as you listen to the series. And because I don't need a huge excuse for a girls weekend I booked a fun weekend. The first up with be Jessi. :)
We decided to go to LA and then down to Del Mar for our weekend together. I rented a convertible sports car so that we would have something fun to drive and we left in the early afternoon on a Friday. As we drove we started listening to our tapes. There was a workbook for the student to follow along and there were discussion questions after the listening part was finished. Jessi took notes as we drove and we discussed many topics that they had created open questions for. We ended up in LA that afternoon and checked into a cute hotel called The Farmer's Daughter. We actually had reservations at a very sketchy bed and breakfast and it only took us one look to decide that we needed a hotel so we found The Farmer's Daughter's Hotel and we were much happier. This hotel was across the street from The Grove which is a great shopping plaza in LA. We had a late lunch and took our time walking around the plaza shopping in different stores. Mandi and Jessi are just coming out of a private Christian school where they have worn nothing but uniforms. They both feel a little behind times with fashion as they have entered high school. We figured this was a perfect time to do a little shopping. We also caught a chick flick later that evening and had a great time staying at our hotel.
The next day I took Jessi to Rodeo Drive and to Hollywood. We window shopped as we talked about what we had heard on our tapes. We talked about relationships, about boys in particular and about the importance of being the one who could always say NO. After looking around we got back in the car and drove to Newport and took a ferry to Balboa Island. We had pizza by the water and took a sunset bike ride along the ocean. It was a pure delight spending time together laughing and enjoying one another. The evening we continued our drive down the I5 to Del Mar while listening to more of our tapes. We spent the night at my folks condo. It was perfect.
The next day after listening to the last section of the tapes we had breakfast and Jessi attempted to teach me to surf. She worked diligently at trying to get me to stand on my board. I was not good at all and we laughed mostly at my poor abilities. We ate lunch on the beach and just enjoyed hanging out together. That night I took Jessi to Coronado Island and we had dinner at The Del. I had picked her out a ring at Tiffany's. Her very first light blue box. The ring was a silver band with cross's punched out around the ring. It looked like her beautiful and artistic. I gave her the ring at dinner and reminded her of my deep love for her. I told her I would be there as she began to go through this new stage of life and reminded her of God's love. I wanted to make sure I took her somewhere that would be around for a long time. A place where she could bring her daughter one day if she wanted. The Del Hotel has been around for years and is an incredible place to see. We sat by the ocean as the sun began to set and talked about everything we had learned in the tape series.
I think talking about sex is a difficult thing with your children. Even more than I had thought. You want to say everything right and not over tell or under tell. It's strange. Mostly because you don't ever really talk about sex to people that are not your peers. Having a program to help me and to help me talk about every detail made it less intimidating. I will never forget the weekend. It was my very first time to be alone with Jessi for three days and just do what she wanted to do. It was a joy. I learned so much about her. She shared so many of her thoughts and deep in my mind I was aware this stage would go fast. I wish I could have kept her just the way she was and lived that weekend for a bit longer but I couldn't. To my surprise this weekend changed a lot of things for Jessi and I. We began to communicate in a different way. I felt like I understood her better and maybe she felt the same way. We started to see each other as two women.
I can not tell you enough how important it is for you to take time to get to know your child individually. It is priceless to be able to take them away from the rest of the family and to discover them completely on their own. It will remain a weekend I will never forget. I will treasure it forever in my heart!!
Thank you dear Jessi for your ability to be honest and open with me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and ideas with me. I love you deeply!!