There are times now that I feel more insecure than I ever used to feel. I ask myself why but I cannot seem to understand it. Maybe as you age you question everything you have done and wonder if it was the right decision. I saw this quote and thought it summed up parenting perfectly. We raise the individuals that we are suppose to raise and we raise them to the very best of our ability even if that means it’s not perfect. And in the end we are the one’s who learned new things about ourselves. Motherhood it has been area of life that I have beat myself up if I did not think I did something right. I long to know I did it all right. Jeff says, “of course you did it right, you did it with all your heart.” And I guess that is it. You parent with all your heart and then you let go of the one’s you would give your life for. It’s a job for the brave.
Time spins out of control these days… I am working hard to keep up but there are times that I just feel like I lose my footing more. Burn out is always close by. I am trying to stay present in all my moments. I miss Mandi more than I thought I would. I hate how far she lives. She and David will not be coming home for Christmas this year. It will be my first year without Deedzie at home. L I hate it! I think we are going to be heading to Del Mar for Christmas.